An overnight success takes about 20 years.

Dr. Zimmerman’s TUESDAY TIP
March 3, 2009 Issue #455

Tip: An overnight success takes about 20 years.



What Dr. Alan Zimmerman Has To Say:

After watching years and years of TV commercials, sitcoms, and dramas, we've been deceived. We've come to believe that most of our health and beauty problems can be solved in 30 to 60 seconds. And we've come to believe that our career problems and family difficulties can be solved in 30 to 60 minutes. That's what the commercials, sitcoms, and dramas tend to imply.

So it's no wonder so many people get depressed, bottom out, or give up when the tough times come. They mistakenly assume life and success should be quick and easy. And if it doesn't come quick and easy ... well ... it just wasn't meant to be.

Baloney! The truth is ... the success you and I SEE in truly successfully people ... is almost always preceded by a lot of blood, sweat, and tears. We SEE what looks like an overnight success, but we don't HEAR about the 20 years of guts and gumption that preceded it.

Well I'm here to tell you that awesome success is possible ... even probable ... in your life ... your job ... your company ... and your marriage ... IF you have DETERMINATION. But that's a mighty big word. What does DETERMINATION really mean and how do you get it?

1. YOU'VE GOT TO BE VERY CLEAR ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT TO ACCOMPLISH.

You've got to KNOW what you want to accomplish. And you've got to SEE it accomplished long before you get there.

Without those two elements in place, your pursuit of any goal will most likely fade away ... When the inevitable setbacks come your way. And you may mistakenly conclude it's the end of the road ... when in reality, it's simply a turn in the road.

But when you KNOW exactly what you want to accomplish, you have tremendous stick-to-ativity. You have DETERMINATION ... as one man so clearly showed us.

After all, his track record gave him every reason to give up. And if you looked at his resume, you probably wouldn't have hired him. The resume read ...1832 defeated for political office in the State Legislature, 1833 failed in business, 1834 elected to the Legislature, 1835 sweetheart died, and 1836 had a nervous breakdown. During the next 24 years, he was defeated in his run for Speaker, defeated in his nomination for Congress, defeated in his run for the Senate, defeated in the nomination for Vice President, and defeated again in his run for the Senate. He only made it to Congress once. And in 9 out of his 11 tries for office, he failed.

But in 1860 he was elected as the 16th President of the United States ... Abraham Lincoln ... because he knew exactly what he wanted to accomplish. That's why he never gave up. He had a picture of his goal that was so clear that he could see it in his mind's eye.

I would humbly suggest that you and I need to be just as clear about what we want to accomplish if we're going to have DETERMINATION.

==========================================And to help you with that process, I strongly recommend my CD album on "Mind Over Matter." Becky Hazen did. She's the owner of Blue Lake Sport. This is what she had to say, "I just want to thank you for helping me find my life again. In July I found out my husband had terminal cancer and he died in September. I not only lost my husband but my business partner for the last 31 years in a retail store. My life was turned upside down when he died, but I had a responsibility to our employees to make sure the business survived. To make matters worse, a large national competitor opened to the public the same day he died."

"Then I ordered your 'Mind Over Matter' CD series. I was still riding the mood waves of grief and stress when they came. But I have faithfully listened to them for over a month every chance I have. I really feel the changes that have come over me are due to these wonderful CDs. I have actually made it through a week without breaking down and crying! The job before me doesn't seem so overwhelming anymore, and my life is beginning to come together. I have a long ways to go, but with the help of these CDs, I'm making it. They always seem to be just what I need."

If you'd like a copy of the "Mind Over Matter" album, just go to http://www.drzimmerman.com/tools/productinfo/sub.htm
=========================================
Every successful person has tremendous DETERMINATION, and one of the ways they get that DETERMINATION is to stay very clear about what they want to accomplish. The second way to get more DETERMINATION ...

2. YOU'VE GOT TO OVERCOME OBSTACLES.

You see ... average people use obstacles as a reason to give up. Successful people see obstacles as a reason to keep on trying ... even harder.

Such was the case with one young lady. She told all her friends she was going to be an actress. So she went off to drama school in New York City at the age of 16. But it wasn't too long before her mother received a letter from the school saying, "Take her home. She has no acting ability whatsoever."

But how could she go home? She had told all her friends she was going to be an actress.

So she auditioned as a showgirl in a musical ... and got the job ... without pay. Four weeks before opening night she was fired. She then auditioned for three other musicals, and each time she was hired and fired before opening night. Talk about obstacles. In two years she had not earned one penny as an actress.

Finally she got a job as a model, but that didn't last long. She came down with pneumonia, ending up with severe pain in both legs. The doctor said she might never walk again and sent her to a New York City hospital as a charity case ... where she spent the next several months. While there she hobbled around on crutches ... then used a cane, having to wear 20 pound weights on her shoes. It was 2 years before she was well again.

Talk about obstacles. She had gone to New York City at age 16, and now by the age of 22 she had nothing to show for herself except obstacles she had learned to overcome.

And yet some years later in 1953, 29 million people watched TV as Dwight Eisenhower was inaugurated as President. 33 million people watched the coronation of Queen Elizabeth on TV. And 40 million people watched this actress' first episode of the "I Love Lucy" show on TV.

Her name, of course, was Lucille Ball. From the very first episode, her show was rated as one of the top ten TV shows in America. And within 20 episodes, it became the number one show in America ... where it remained for 5 years.

You see ... some people think people like Lucille Ball just get discovered and success just falls in their laps. They think some Hollywood agent came up to her and said, "You're a star. You will be one of the best. You will be one of the most loved comedians in America." And thinking like that, some people just WAIT for success.

Other people get discouraged and QUIT because the only thing they see is the end result ... the phenomenal success of a Lucille Ball. They think, "I could never be like that." They fail to see the years of DETERMINATION she put into overcoming obstacles.

That's why I said a so-called "overnight success" often takes a long time. You may not know, for example, how old Lucille Ball was when they aired her first episode on TV? And you may not know how old she was when her first child was born? In both cases, 40 years old.

So was Lucille Ball a success or a failure? If you read her fascinating life story, you realize she had been both. But ultimately she was a success because she had the second ingredient of DETERMINATION -- the gumption to overcome obstacles.

And finally, if you're going to ensure your own DETERMINATION ...

3, YOU MUST DISREGARD UNFAIRNESS.

We all know ... deep down in our gut ... and high up in our head ... that life is not fair. It never has been and never will be. And no one ever said life WOULD be fair.

But a lot of people get stuck in the thought that life SHOULD be fair. And when it's not, they get sad, angry, demotivated, and depressed ... all of which can kill off their DETERMINATION.

So take a look at how you respond to unfair treatment. Someone else got the job or promotion that you deserved. Someone else got the credit for the work you did. And someone else got to take the trip you earned.

Well, we've all been the victims of unfair treatment. That's not the important thing. What really counts is how you respond to these unfair experiences.

One young lady learned that. While she was a freshman at Ohio State University, she set the goal of becoming Miss Ohio, not only for the title but also for the scholarship that would finance her college education. So she entered a local contest, won the Miss Central Ohio pageant, went on to the Miss Ohio pageant, but didn't even place among the top 10.

In her sophomore year, she entered the Miss Southern Ohio pageant, won that, and went back to the Miss Ohio contest. Here she placed in the final 10, but not the top 5. So after two unsuccessful attempts, she thought she may not have what it takes to be a winner. She was tempted to quit.

But in her junior year, when she found out the local pageant would be on her campus, she just couldn't resist. She still had that spark of DETERMINATION inside herself. There were 143 girls in that pageant. And even though she forgot the words to her song during the talent portion of the contest, she won. She went back to the Miss Ohio pageant, placed in the final 10, placed in the top 5, and became the second runner up. For the third year in a row ... in front of her family and everyone she knew ... she lost.

Two days later, the state pageant office called and said,, Laurel, the judges did not understand the ballot. We recounted and you won. But we've already crowned the other girl as the winner, and there is nothing we can do about it. How unfair.

If you were Laurel, what would you have done. You might have gone to the press and said, "The title and scholarship are MINE." But in the process, you would have embarrassed the girl who won. Her picture was on the front page of every paper in Ohio.

Laurel could have sued and picketed. She could have spent months of negative energy plotting how to respond to the situation. And there are times you should do that. But there are other times you've got to put an unfair experience behind you and move forward with positive energy.

That's what Laurel did ... because she understood ... at an amazingly young age ... that life is not always fair. The best person doesn't always win. Mistakes can happen.

Rather than fret and stew, Laurel did something quite remarkable. She decided to try one more time. During her senior year in college, she entered the local pageant and won. She won Miss Ohio, went to Atlantic City, and became Miss America in 1972 ... Laurel Schaefer.

Her story tells us the difference between success and failure could be the acceptance of the fact that life is not always fair, and winning often comes from the DETERMINATION to try just one more time.

ACTION:

Decide which of the three elements of DETERMINATION needs to be strengthened in your life. Write it on a card. Carry the card with you. Look at it several times a day for several weeks. And you will become more like the element you wrote down.

Make it a great week!
Dr. Alan Zimmerman


©Dr. Alan R. Zimmerman, 20550 Lake Ridge Drive, Prior Lake, MN 55372. Reprinted with permission from Dr. Zimmerman's "Tuesday Tip," a weekly Internet newsletter. For your own personal subscription, go to http://www.drzimmerman.com/
Contact: Alan@DrZimmerman.com
Telephone: (800) 621-7881
web site: www.DrZimmerman.com

Dr. Zimmerman's TUESDAY TIP: Tip: It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

Tuesday's Tip

February 24, 2009

Issue 454

What Dr. Alan Zimmerman Has To Say:

For several years now, in numerous Tuesday Tips, I've written about professional success and personal achievement. I've outlined exactly what you have to do to become a winner, a champion, and a sportive thinker.

However, the road to success is filled with potholes. You will encounter obstacles and experience setbacks. You will make some mistakes and have some failures .... because the road to success will never be straight, smooth, and unobstructed all the time.

And all truly successful people know that ...

1. MISTAKES AND FAILURES ARE SIMPLY A PART OF THE JOURNEY TO SUCCESS.

George Washington knew that. Even though he is known as a brilliant general, he only won two battles in his whole career.

Thomas Edison was thrown out of elementary school when his teachers decided he could not do the work. And when he was trying to invent electric light, he made thousands of "mistakes" before he had any success.

Gail Borden made countless business blunders before he achieved success with condensed milk. Levi Strauss made the mistake of selling his entire supply of dry goods, leaving him with nothing but canvas to manufacture pants.

R. H. Macy failed seven times before his store in New York City caught on. Novelist John Creasey got 753 rejection slips before he published the first of his 564 books.

Harry S. Truman failed as a haberdasher. Milton Hershey failed more than once in the candy-making business before finding success with the Hershey bar. And when Bob Dylan performed a high school talent show, his classmates booed him off the platform.

So if you've made a mistake or two or thousand, I say, "Congratulations. You're in great company. If nothing else, you're on the road to success." As one person said, "Everyone is a darn fool for at least 5 minutes every day. Wisdom consists in not exceeding this limit."

You see ...
2. SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE KEEP ON TAKING ACTION ... DESPITE THEIR MISTAKES.

There are very few if any ways to be an instant success without making your share of mistakes. But successful people are successful because they adhere to a little-known secret. They know their ultimate success has more to do with how many actions they take than the mistakes they make.

Success is connected to action. Successful people keep moving. They make mistakes but they don't quit. Tammy Williams learned that when she came to my two-day “Journey To The Extraordinary” experience. She wrote, “As a result of your class, I have taken some major risks in the last few months. I quit my job as a Sales Engineer for a construction company, got myself back into school, and accepted a position with a church. Your class helped me look inside to see what is really important and how I wanted to live the second half of my life. Thank you for this amazing experience and the knowledge you shared. You gave me the support and courage I needed to take all these risks. And as a result, this has become my best year ever!”

The same goes for you. This can be your best year ever, and the second half of your life can be the best half ... if you take some action. And one action you could take is get yourself enrolled in the next “Journey To The Extraordinary” experience coming to Minneapolis on June 11-12, 2009. Go to http://www.Journey-To-The-Extraordinary.com for more information.

Bottom line ... successful people know the value of taking action ... despite their mistakes or setbacks. As President Franklin Roosevelt said, "It is common sense to take a method and try it. If it fails, admit it frankly and try another. But above all, try something."

And Benjamin Franklin, one of this country's greatest figures, once said, "The man who does things makes many mistakes, but he never makes the biggest mistake of all -- doing nothing."

That's because ...

3. YOUR RESPONSE TO YOUR MISTAKE IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE MISTAKE ITSELF.

The author Joseph Fort Newton wrote about that. He said, "We cannot tell what may happen to us in the strange medley of life. But we can decide what happens in us ... how we can take it, what we can do with it ... and that is what really counts in the end."

Absolutely. Some people make a mistake or have a setback, and they give up. Other people who experience the same difficulty get charged up to do something about it. That's why master juggler Rob Peck says, "Disappointments are the pits. But pits are also seeds!" That's why Peck says, "To err is human ... to recover divine!" So true.

So when troubles come your way, look at your response. Do you get depressed, lose your self-esteem, or find yourself demoitvated? Do you blame someone else or try to justify your behavior? Well none of that works. As a French proverb goes, "Justifying a fault doubles it."

Accept the fact you made a mistake and not a disaster. And if you need to get by the negative self-talk that often goes with making a mistake, get a copy of my MP3 recording called "Self-Esteem: When You Tune Up Your Image You Turn Up Your Results" by going to http://www.drzimmerman.com/tools/productinfo/self%20esteem.htm You can download it to your I-Pod and have it within minutes.

so you can ...

4. LEARN FROM YOUR MISTAKES.

The truth is ... everyone makes mistakes. But the key distinguishing factor between a winner and a loser is the fact the winner LEARNS from his mistakes. Charles Garfield reported that in his classic book on "Peak Performers." He noted, "When high achievers get less than the results they plan for and work toward, they allow the normal human feelings of disappointment, or anger, or fatigue to pass; then they start analyzing. They search for information in the
situation: Where are we now? What went wrong? Why? Where are we headed? How do we get there? Even when circumstances are totally beyond their control, peak performers learn what they can from an experience so as not to knock their heads against that wall again."

Mistakes and failures CAN be helpful. And winners LEARN from them. As author Brian Tracy notes, "The difficulties that we have to face in life are put on our path not to obstruct ... but to instruct."

Tom Watson, Sr., exemplified that in his leadership style. As the guiding hand in the success of IBM for forty years, he knew the value of learning from mistakes. One year a young executive was given responsibility for a project that cost over $10 million. As it turned out, the idea failed, and when the young man was called in, he offered his resignation. "You can't be serious," said Watson. "We just spent $10 million educating you."

Even the folk humorist Will Rogers knew about the potential value of mistakes. He said, "Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment."

As you pursue your dreams and goals, just remember, it's better to attempt something great and fail than attempt nothing and succeed.

ACTION:

Write down three mistakes you've made ... or failures you've experienced ... in the last month. And write down what you learned from each of those situations.

Make it a great week!
Dr. Alan Zimmerman


©Dr. Alan R. Zimmerman, 20550 Lake Ridge Drive, Prior Lake, MN 55372. Reprinted with permission from Dr. Zimmerman's "Tuesday Tip," a weekly Internet newsletter. For your own personal subscription, go to http://www.drzimmerman.com/
Contact: Alan@DrZimmerman.com
Telephone: (800) 621-7881
web site: www.DrZimmerman.com

Dr. Zimmerman's TUESDAY TIP: “Focus more on your desire than on your doubt, and the dream will take care of itself.”

Tuesday's Tip: February 17, 2009

Issue 453

What Dr. Alan Zimmerman Has To Say:

How are you living your life? There are only two ways you can do it. You can live a life of condemnation or confidence.

Peter Maughan was living a life of condemnation but learned how to turn it into confidence. As an employee of one of the greatest insurance companies in this country, he wrote to tell me, "I have been a very quiet person my entire life and have never had the drive to speak or carry on a conversation to save my life. It had not been a real problem until about 4 years ago. I have worked as a Technical Analyst in some capacity with most of that time spent working on hardware or software which did not require me to have conversations as most equipment did not talk back."

Peter continued, "Then about 4 years ago, my boss decided to start moving the duties around in the area where I worked. I had to meet with various business areas and people. As you could imagine, I did not do well in this type of environment. After several months of this, my boss called me in and told me that I was not performing up to standard. I was being put on notice for this and could be fired if I did not improve."

"My first reaction was to blame my boss for all of my problems. After a couple of weeks of feeling sorry for myself, I decided that I would have to change or look for a new job. I went into my boss' office and asked for suggestions on how I could improve. My boss suggested I join a Toastmaster club. I did, and what a difference that made."

"At first, I was very uncomfortable giving presentations. I would start sweating, get dizzy and lose focus. I don't even remember what my first speech was about. All I remember was my knocking knees, sweaty palms, and trying not to pass out. As I went through the process of giving speeches, it got easier each time. After 2 years I was able to reach my goal of becoming a Certified Toastmaster and have set new goals to continue giving speeches."

"I am now part of conversations and not sitting on the sidelines. I lead several technical teams on several different efforts. I am no longer afraid to talk to people and can carry on a conversation. I still have a long way to go, but my wife is totally amazed at the change that I have made. She claims that I am not the same person that she married."

Peter learned how to move from condemnation to confidence. Have you? Let me suggest five steps you might want to take.

1. UNDERSTAND THE TWO KILLERS OF CONFIDENCE.

The first one is UNRESOLVED GUILT. If you've done some things you're not proud of ... or if you've failed to tackle some of the opportunities that have come your way ... you may have feelings of guilt about that. And if you keep it inside, you're going to feel miserable and be powerless.

I was reminded of that when I saw a sign in an auto repair shop. It said, "A clean engine produces more power." Well that's true. But it's also true for human beings.

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, the author of all the Sherlock Holmes stories, played a prank one day to see how guilt can influence people. He sent a note to 12 prominent Englishmen ... the same note ... that simply said, "All is found out. Flee at once." And within 24 hours, 8 of those men left the country. They were dealing with some unresolved guilt.

And the second thing that will kill off your confidence is UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS. You might call it perfectionism ... the belief that you must be flawless, perfect, please everyone, and feel guilty if you relax.

If this sounds like you, some of your favorite phrases are probably such things as "I must ... I have to ... and ... I ought." You always feel the need to do more and achieve more.

You see ... if you're a regular person with a To-Do list with five things, at the end of the day you may say, "I finished 3 of those items, made some progress on another item, but didn't get anywhere on the last item." But you go home and feel okay about your progress. By contrast, a perfectionist has 29 things on his To-Do list, gets 28 of them done, and goes home feeling like a failure.

So how can you replace condemnation with confidence?

One of my esteemed customers, Bill Pence, has an answer. He's in the Enterprise Services and Support Skill Center for an insurance company. He says, "I've been profoundly impacted by the importance of attitude in successful people, not only in the workplace, but outside of the workplace as well. I believe the most significant decision I can make on a day-to-day basis is my choice of attitude."

I agree. So how do you get that attitude of confidence?

2. FORGIVE YOURSELF.

Everybody makes mistakes. Everybody!!!

The difference is ... champions look at their mistakes, learn from their mistakes, forgive themselves, and move on. As first-lady Eleanor Roosevelt said, when asked how she accomplished so much, "I never waste time with regrets."

By contrast, losers stare at their mistakes ... and stare and stare and stare. They don't move on. They're stuck in self-condemnation.

Well let me tell you ... it won't help you one bit to keep on berating yourself, punishing yourself, or hating yourself for the mistakes you've made. In fact, the MORE you put yourself down, the LESS likely it is that you will ever have a happy life or a productive career.

Self-condemnation is like driving your car by looking in the rear-view mirror. You're going to run into more problems.

As Dr. Bev Smallwood says, "The rear-view mirror is much smaller than the windshield for a good reason. Their size is in proportion to the amount of time the driver should spend looking at them. Yes, you need to glance at the rear view to see what's coming up behind you. However, the majority of your driving time must be spent looking ahead, keeping your eyes on where you're headed - not where you've been."

So how do you get past self-condemnation? How can you learn to forgive yourself? Use a confidence-building affirmation. In her book, "This Wasn't Supposed To Happen To Me," Smallwood suggests telling yourself, "This day, I release myself from the burden of self-condemnation and destructive guilt. I withdraw from the internal conversations with the voice that reminds me of my shortcomings and past mistakes. I respect myself, even when I've lost status or failed to achieve what I thought I should."

And then ...

3. GIVE YOURSELF ENCOURAGEMENT.

Now that might sound strange, but it's the same thing you probably did with your kids when they were learning to walk. You encouraged them. And you need to encourage yourself.

When my daughter was learning to walk, for example, she would take a step and stumble. She'd get back up; take two steps, then trip and fall. She'd take another step and fall backwards. And so on for the longest time.

Do you think I yelled at her when she stumbled? Of course not. I never said, "What are you doing? ... Get back up on your feet, young lady! ... How dumb can you be? ... Zimmermans don't stumble. We have more pride and dignity than that! ... Get up! ... No more of that falling-down stuff! ... You can do better!"

I didn't do that to my kids, and you didn't either. But the strange thing is ... that's how we often treat ourselves. We give ourselves disrespectful commands rather than encouragement. That's got to stop.

As a parent, you didn't wait for your kids to grow up and become successful before you loved them. You loved them every step of the way. Well ... it's time to apply the same lesson to yourself. Encourage yourself. Start by getting the audio version of my book, "PIVOT: How One Turn In Attitude Can Lead To Success" by going to http://www.drzimmerman.com/tools/productinfo/pivot.htm

And then ...

4. ELIMINATE NEGATIVE SELF-TALK.

There's an old proverb that says, "Be careful how you think. Your life is shaped by your thoughts."

True. Your thoughts determine your feelings, and your feelings determine your actions. So you've got to control the way you think ... or the way you talk to yourself.

And all of us are talking to ourselves all the time. In fact, some researchers estimate that we're talking to ourselves at the rate of 1300 words per minute, most of it unconscious, and much of it critical. We're telling ourselves, "These pants are getting so tight ... I'll never have any money ... I can't take any more griping from that customer ... and ... I won't get that promotion ... etc."

If you catch yourself doing negative self-talk, tell yourself forcefully, "Stop it. Now just stop it." And with repetition, you will stop thinking those self-limiting, confidence-destroying negatives.

Don't be like the young boy who came home from school and said, "Dad, I think I flunked my arithmetic test."

His Dad replied, "Don't say that. That's negative. Be positive."

The boy answered, "Okay, Dad, I'm positive I flunked my arithmetic test."

And finally, in your journey to greater confidence ...

5. QUIT TRYING TO PLEASE EVERYONE.

It's a dangerous way to live ... to be too concerned with what other people think about you ... because it allows them to control you. And that's not healthy.

But it's also a foolish way to live ... because you're going to fail. You're not going to please everybody ... no matter what you do. Even God can't please everybody, so it's foolish to think you can do what God can't.

Besides that, if you spend too much time trying to figure out what other people want you to become, and then try to become that kind of person, you forget who you really are. And there's no way you can be somebody else and have a healthy, confident self-esteem at the same time.

Helene Johnson commented on that. She's the Executive Director of Government Training Services and one of my customers for more than twenty years. When I asked for her advice on success, on what it takes to be truly successful, she said, "Be yourself, because everyone else is taken!" How profound.

You can't please everyone ... and you don't even need to.

You see ... there's a myth going around that says, "I must have the love, respect and appreciation of others to be happy." Not true. Rejection will NOT ruin your life. Oh sure, it will hurt. It's not fun. It's very uncomfortable, but rejection on the job or at home will not ruin your life unless you let it. As Eleanor Roosevelt so often said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

ACTION:

Focus on the area where you need the most improvement this week ... using too much negative self-talk or trying to please everyone. Try to go for an hour, then 6 hours, then a half day, and then a full day without falling into that bad habit.

Make it a great week!
Dr. Alan Zimmerman


©Dr. Alan R. Zimmerman, 20550 Lake Ridge Drive, Prior Lake, MN 55372. Reprinted with permission from Dr. Zimmerman's "Tuesday Tip," a weekly Internet newsletter. For your own personal subscription, go to http://www.drzimmerman.com/
Contact: Alan@DrZimmerman.com
Telephone: (800) 621-7881
web site: www.DrZimmerman.com

Tuesday's Tip February 10, 2009

Dr. Zimmerman’s TUESDAY TIP

Issue #452

Tip: "We exist temporarily through what we take, but we live forever through what we give."
Douglas M. Lawson, fundraising consultant and author.

What Dr. Alan Zimmerman Has To Say:

When I hear the same message over and over again, I pay attention. For example, in the Bible, hope is mentioned 185 times, faith 246 times, love 733 times, and giving 2285 times. Now that's significant. GIVING is one of the secrets of success.

Any yet much of the world is in economic turmoil because too many have been TAKING too much for too long.

The same goes for relationships. Relationships get in trouble when the people in those relationships focus more on what they can take than what they can give. Dr. Beatrice Berry talked about that at a convention where we were both speaking. She talked about getting married and divorced in the same year because her husband was such an abusive taker. In fact, the situation inspired her to write a country song entitled, "If I'd shot you when I met you, I'd be out of jail by now."

From my 30 years of teaching, speaking, and working with people, I'm convinced that the most successful people in business ... and the happiest people in life ... are givers. Instead of focusing on what's in it for them, they focus on how they can make a difference in the lives of their coworkers, customers, friends, and family members.

So what do givers give?

1. GIVERS GIVE ATTENTION.

It's the first thing they give. And it may be the most important.

They notice others. They acknowledge them. And they listen to them.

When I'm speaking on the topic of Creating Customer Service Champions," I emphasize and re-emphasize this point. If you're ever confronted by an upset customer, the very first thing you've got to do is pay close attention to what the customer is saying and not saying. It's the best chance you'll ever have of turning an upset customer into a loyal customer ... because you're saying ... loud and clear ... that YOU are IMPORTANT to ME.

(For an outline of my course on customer service champions, go to http://www.drzimmerman.com/keynotespeaker/speakingprograms/program09.htm)

One mother had to learn that lesson the hard way. After coming home from a long day at work, her little daughter ran out to greet her. She said, "Mommy, Mommy, wait until I tell you what happened today." After listening for a few seconds, her mother said she had to go and prepare dinner. Her daughter could tell her the rest of the story later.

At dinner, the phone rang; then the other family members told their stories. Once again the little girl tried to tell her story, but the kitchen needed to be cleaned up and her brother needed help with his homework. By then it was time for bed. When her mother came to tuck her in, the little girl looked up and asked, "Mommy, do you really love me, even when you don't have time to listen to me?"

And that's the same question everybody asks at work and at home: "If you don't GIVE me attention, how do I know if you really care?"

So how do you stack up on this point? Are you known as a person who gives attention? Or are you known as someone who is too self-absorbed?

It would be worth your while to pick up my audio CD on "The 3 Best Keys To Powerful, Positive, Productive Relationships... On and Off The Job" by going to http://www.drzimmerman.com/tools/productinfo/relationship-tele-seminar.htm

And then ...

2. GIVERS GIVE A CHANCE.

Ernest Hemingway talked about that in his short story, "The Capital of the World." The best thing you can give someone is a chance.

In the story, a father and son's relationship had gone awry, and the son left home. But after some time of grief and remorse, the father decided he wanted to heal the relationship. He went searching for his son Paco, looking everywhere in the city of Madrid, but couldn't find him. So he decided to put an ad in the newspaper that read, "Dear Paco, I love you. All is forgiven. Let's start over. Meet in front of the newspaper office tomorrow at noon." Signed, "Your father."

As Hemingway writes, the next day over 800 Paco's showed up ... all of them wanting a second chance, a new start, forgiveness, and acceptance.

It's all about making contact and then making changes. As family therapist Virginia Satir writes,
"I believe
The greatest gift
I can conceive of having
From anyone
is
to be seen by them,
to be understood
and
touched by them.
The greatest gift
I can give
is
to see, hear, understand
and to touch
another person.
When this is done
I feel
contact has been made."

You may have some Paco's in your life. Are you known as someone who gives people a second chance? Or are you known as someone who holds a grudge?

Which leads to ...

3. GIVERS GIVE LASTING CARE.

And even though "care" might sound a little too touchy-feely for some corporate people, there's a bottom-line benefit to this "caring" stuff. Research has shown that when you care ... you truly care about your customers ... two things happen: they buy more and they tell more people about you.

The reverse is also true. The number one reason a customer stops doing business with an organization is a perceived lack of caring. In fact, this perceived lack of caring accounts for 68% of your lost business.

Of course, your caring can't be temporary and intermittent. It's got to be continual and lasting. Dr. Martin Broken Leg, a professor at Augustana College, has found that a kid will stay in school if there is at least one adult in that school who shows a lasting sense of care ... and that adult could be a teacher, cook, or bus driver.

One of my "Tuesday Tip" subscribers, Debra Tschosik talked about the power of giving a sense of caring that lasts over time. She said, "My father passed away last spring. He was a kind, loving and gentle spirit. We grew up without many of the material things others had, but he provided a home warm in love and support."

What she didn't expect was how his caring would show up after his death. She said, "Last Sunday evening my mother called me and said she found a Valentine's card from my Dad. The card had been mailed to their home in 1994. Dad had asked the store clerk to write out the address so he could watch my mother bring in the mail and open this surprise from him. The card had a recorded message in my Dad's own voice that my Mom wanted me to hear."

"Dad's voice said, 'Hi Sweetheart, I can't thank your Mom enough for making me marry you (a joke since my grandparents had been opposed to the marriage) and giving me the two most wonderful daughters in the world. I love you and want to wish you a wonderful Valentine's Day.'"

As Debra went on to say, "In his wildest dreams, Dad could not have known the wonder and peace that loving message brought to our family years after he sent it. The truth is ... it only takes a small act of giving to generate warmth for years."

And finally ...

4. GIVERS GIVE HELP.

It's the ultimate win-win. You can't help somebody else without also helping yourself. As an old Chinese proverb states, "When I dig another out of trouble, the hole from which I lift him is the place where I bury my own." Or as I have often counseled others, the best way to get your mind off your loneliness is to reach out to others.

You've just got to make sure the other person actually wants your help. Such was the case with the truck driver who saw a priest at the side of the road. He stopped to pick up the priest and give him a ride. Down the road the truck driver saw a lawyer on the side of the road so he turned the truck on a direct course to hit him. Then he thought, "Oh no, I have a priest in the truck. I can't run down this lawyer." So at the last second he swerved to miss the lawyer. But the truck driver heard a thump outside of the truck. He looked in his rearview mirror but didn't see anything. He turned to the priest and said, "Sorry, Father, I just missed that lawyer at the side of the road." The priest replied, "Don't worry, son, I got him with my door."

Yeah, yeah, I know that wasn't very nice of me. But you get the point. Givers give help, but you've got to make sure it's help that's really wanted. And if it is, the benefits go both ways.

Michael Maceroni, a sales manager for UPS, learned that. He told me, "I was flying into Atlanta for a corporate sales workshop on a Sunday afternoon, and I don't like to leave my family on a weekend. Nonetheless, I decided to make the best of it, to be a giver regardless of any possible problems that might come my way, such as late departures, crowded airline seating, or grumpy attendants and passengers."

"It didn't take long to have my giving commitment tested. As I headed to the baggage area, I noticed a young mother, nearing her wit's end, with an unhappy toddler in tow. Deciding it was cold outside, the mother opened her suitcase to get out their coats, only to find her bottle of shampoo had bust open in her luggage and was covering the majority of her clothing. That pretty much sent the mother to the brink of tears."

"Being an expectant father myself, I couldn't stand there any longer. I approached the woman and asked if I could do anything to help. She declined, but as her daughter ran to the baggage carousel for the third time, and as her cell phone started ringing, she looked at me and asked if I could throw away the shampoo bottle. She then remarked she would probably throw away the coat as well as it wasn't useable in it's current condition. I immediately removed my coat and offered it to her, saying, 'Please take my coat.'"

"She profoundly refused, asking what would I wear on this cold evening. I explained to her that I had just landed from Detroit where I left -3 degree weather and the idea of wearing a jacket in 55 degree weather didn't appeal to me. I insisted she take my coat. She graciously accepted, slipped it on, gathered her child, re-packed her bags on the cart, and moved on with a big smile on her face."

As Michael finished telling me in his letter, "Once again I learned what unconditional giving does for the heart and soul." He learned the lesson that Heda Bejar taught years ago, that "The fragrance always remains in the hand that gives the rose."

ACTION:

If you asked the 10 people who know you best, would they say you're more of a giver or more of a taker?

Make it a great week!
Dr. Alan Zimmerman


©Dr. Alan R. Zimmerman, 20550 Lake Ridge Drive, Prior Lake, MN 55372. Reprinted with permission from Dr. Zimmerman's "Tuesday Tip," a weekly Internet newsletter. For your own personal subscription, go to http://www.drzimmerman.com/
Contact: Alan@DrZimmerman.com
Telephone: (800) 621-7881
web site: www.DrZimmerman.com